Restaurants: Part 1 To The Chef

This is a 3 part post:

So lately I’ve read a whole slew of articles including This one written by chefs about what customers do to annoy them. Now don’t get me wrong, I know customers can be self centered obnoxious toads sometimes but let’s not forget the reason you have a job in the first place. These people you’re complaining about are putting food on your table. In light of that lets take a look at the things chefs do that annoy the average American restaurant goer. I’m not talking about foodies here. I’m talking about the average American. We know the difference between a t-bone and a flank steak but we don’t care so much about caviar and the cheek of rarest deep sea ugly fish.

The use of truffles and truffle oil: Truffles to me should be the little chocolates with a creamier chocolate filling and dusted with chocolate power, not a nasty looking fungus that’s hard to find and tastes like dirt. Honestly for the price I’d rather you line my plate with caviar, at least it won’t taste like the bottom of someone’s shoe. This is especially true when you’re making something really popular in America culture like steak and fries (AKA steak frites if you’re in a French restaurant). Don’t put truffle oil on fries. Fries should taste like potatoes, not the dirt they came from.

Pretention: You’re a chef. I come to you to make food that tastes good. That does not make you better than me, even if you’re famous. Just because you know how to prepare a mean risotto doesn’t mean you can look down your snooty nose at me when I ask you to make it without ricotta cheese (I’ve never seen it but you never know, someone somewhere may be making it). Again this is true with American classics. If you’re making a pizza at a fancy restaurant and you decide that on today’s menu you’re going to have your margarita pizza made with goat cheese from east India and someone asks for a margarita pizza made with mozzarella don’t be surprised. A margarita pizza is (and always should be, I’m looking at you Primavera Pizza Kitchen) made with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil with one black olive in the middle. If you make a pizza that is not that, call it something different or be prepared to have special orders all night.

“We’ve run out of…”: I understand that you’re lamb chops are super popular, so should you. Order enough food to get through the rush. I know that sometimes you’re surprised by what’s popular on a given night so I can be forgiving if one thing is out of stock but if you tell me that you have no lasagna, gnocchi, lamb chops or mashed potatoes you damn well better be getting your tail to the grocery store to get the ingredients to make more. This is especially true on Friday and Saturday night. If you don’t have your kitchen properly stocked for Friday and Saturday night I probably won’t come back to your restaurant again until I know they have a new chef because you’ve failed basic chef responsibilities.

Giant portions: I’m only so big. I know I’m paying good money to go out to eat however I’m not always going straight home and I don’t carry a cooler in my car for my leftovers. I hate leaving a restaurant feeling like a heifer because I ate too much. Now to be fair it’s partly my fault because I keep eating but I’m a bit like a dog if it’s there I’ll eat it.

Salt: Salt is not the only seasoning. I would love to taste the pan fried chicken but there appears to be a crust of salt on it. I know they say that salt increases the other flavors while you’re cooking but you don’t need to use a ½ pound of salt per dish. I’m sure the tilapia will taste just as good with ½ the salt you planned on putting on it.

Last night's dinner

Last night’s dinner was terrible. I need to work on fast foods that don’t taste like they’re fast. Or more realistically I need to work on not burning my pasta sauce. Last night I decided at 7 that I should eat something before my workout. Frozen meatballs sounded like a great idea. I had a whole bunch in my freezer and I had a jar of sauce in the fridge. Easy right? Nope! I managed to burn the sauce to the bottom on the pot in a nice even layer of smelly burned tomato. I decided to eat the meatballs anyway because frankly I was hungry and didn’t have anything else readily available but peanut butter and bread and I wasn’t willing to wait for the bread to toast. So I sat like a dude in college eating my sad defrosted slightly charred meatballs on the couch watching Monday Night Football. Sad…. Very very sad. Next time I’m defrosting the chicken breast like I knew I should have and making stir fry. Lesson learned, don’t lose track of time while watching football and leave pasta sauce on medium heat for ½ hour. It will burn into a hard nasty disk and make you wish you still lived at home and had mom making dinner every night because even if you don’t like what she’s making it’s probably not as bad as burnt tomato sauce and crappy meatballs… unless she’s making salmon.
Let me explain. I hate salmon. I don’t know why. It may be irrational but I really can’t do cooked salmon. My Dad says I had a bad experience with a salmon and now I just can’t get over it. I like raw salmon. Give me sushi any day but as soon as you throw it on the grill or in the over it’s over for me. I’ll even eat it smoked but heat cooked and I’m out. I know people tell me “oh man you’re missing out, it’s so good!” It’s like telling a lifelong vegetarian they’re missing out on the wonderful flavors of a fillet. They don’t get it. However I do try. About once a year I’ll try salmon again just to make sure and never fail I just don’t like it.

New toys!!

I have new toys in my kitchen!!! This weekend we were registering for our wedding which of course brought me to a few of my favorite stores to pick out stuff I'd love to have. Of course I had to test some things before I really decided if I wanted more.

My birthday present this year was an awesome Staub French oven. Tonight I tested it! I made a mean chicken soup tonight. I tossed potatoes and celery chopped really fine (1/2 or 1/4 inch cubes) in the pot with chicken stock. I boiled the potatoes and celery together for a about an hour. While that boiled I sauteed 2 chicken breasts. I added the chicken to the pot with carrots (also chopped fine)and let that cook on low for about 2 hours (I got busy, you don't really need to cook it that long). The pot is amazing! I love it.

The other new toy I have is a knife. A very different kind of knife. Its a ceramic pairing knife. It's very very sharp but it's really light. I'm not sure yet if I'm in love with it or not. This is not a knife that you want to have in a house with children. The knife looks fake. The blade is white and the handle is red. It looks a bit like safety scissors. As far as knives go it's pretty good. It's sharp, it cuts very nicely. I'll have to get back to you about if I really like it in the future. I have the feeling that it will grow on me.

The simple egg

I love eggs. I eat them every day. I have an egg every morning for breakfast with an English muffin and turkey bacon. However I always eat it the same way. I try it on the grill in an egg ring with the bacon in the same pan. It was time for a change. I needed to try another way to cook eggs.
The past few weeks we’ve been talking about poaching eggs. So it was time to try. I’ve poached eggs in one of those microwave egg poachers. I'd never tried to poach an egg the real way, boil water --> drop egg in. It's a challenge. But surprisingly not that hard thanks to the advice of a new friend (thanks Josh).
Poached eggs are simply fantastic. They're light and fluffy with soft egg yolks perfect for bread and butter.
So the best way to poach an egg is as follows:
1. Boil water, drop the heat down until the water is not actually at a rolling boil anymore.
2. Crack and egg into a small cup or a spoon.
3. Slide the egg into the water. It will have some wavey egg parts in the water but it should not completely break up and look like egg drop soup. The biggest thing is not to break the yolk. It's not really a poached egg at that point... just a boiled egg.
4. Boil for 2 to 4 minutes depending on how cooked you want the yolk.
5. Get the egg out of the water with a slotted spoon and dry it on a paper towel and transfer it into a ramekin or onto a plate.
6. Serve with toast.
7. Eat!

Dirty Chicken?

Ok so I just read this article and I had to comment. My kitchen is the cleanest place in my house. It may not be the neatest but It's the cleanest. Lysol and Cinch are my best friends in the cleaning department. So if you're cooking chicken clean up after yourself. I would tend to think if you're washing your chicken you probably already know to do that. Just be thorough.

Lamb Breast, Not Impressed

HAHA! Look I can rhyme! Now if I only had rhythm. As impressed as I am with my linguistic abilities I'm equally unimpressed with my lamb breast preparation. I'm not sure if it was my preparation or the cut of meat or (most likely) both. I marinated it in red wine(Cabernet sovengnion), balsamic vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, honey, salt, pepper, ground mustard, and nutmeg. After marinating for a few hours I set the lamb on 2 overturned ramekins in a pan full of the marinating liquid and covered the whole thing with tin foil. I didn't want the meat to sit down in the liquid because it would boil instead of roasting in a moist environment.
The meat was moist due to the massive amounts of fat under the muscle. The meat tasted ok, but the texture wasn't much to write home about. I didn't hate it but it certainly wasn't special. I think it needed a glaze or something with an intense flavor. The marinade lacked pop. It had no standout flavor. Now that I'm drinking a glass of the wine I can say with certainty that the wine has something to do with the lack of flavor. It's flat, there is nothing terrible or outstanding about it. I think it's actually on the edge of going bad. It's not even old.
It's really too bad. I like lamb when it's done properly. I'm going to need to do some more research before I attempt lamb again. Maybe next time I'll actually get a leg of lamb to roast in the rotisserie.
I know yesterday I said I was going to do the summer squash. I didn't get to it tonight. I tried but I got distracted by the lamb. I'll get to the squash... I promise!

Kosher Butcher Experience

I've never been to a butcher shop before. I've always gotten my meat at the grocery store. Yes there is a person employed by the grocery store that has the title "butcher" but I'm talking about a store that only sells meat. So today I decided was the day. I live in a neighborhood with a pretty large observant Jewish population so we have a kosher butcher. I figure that's the place to go because I know it's going to be clean and fresh. I was totally intimidated. I had no idea what I was really asking for. Now I know I was really looking for a leg of lamb, something that was pretty sizable but without a bone. What I asked for was "lamb". They said what kind. I said "well I don't really know I want to cook it in a rotisserie oven". I ended up walking out with a lamb breast. It has bones. I'm not really sure what to do with it. I have it marinating right now but I'm not really sure what cooking method to try. I can't put it in the rotisserie, I won't be able to get the skewers into it. I know I can't pan fry it. I think braising it is the way to go, but I'm not 100% sure yet.
So even after I conquered my fear of the butcher I'm still a little intimidated but next time I'll know what I'm looking for before I go in.

Okra - Part 2

Different. That's how I'm currently describing my feeling about okra. I'm not sure I've been exposed to enough to really know how I feel. I took my frozen okra, defrosted it coated it with corn meal and dry ranch dressing. I tossed it in a pan of hot vegetable oil and fried it up. I think it needs a little something to make the corn meal stick to the okra. The flavor and texture are worth noting. The flavor was similar to cucumber (maybe it was the seeds, not sure) but the texture was reminiscent of a jalapeno. I am interested to see where this goes. Maybe I'll try butter instead of okra next time! :)
Up next is a yellow summer squash. Until tomorrow, eat what you love!

Okra Part 1 ... before the pan

Ok so I’ve done it. I bought okra. Although it’s not fresh it’s still okra. I’ll be honest I approach the cooking of this particular vegetable with some trepidation. I have heard all kinds of things about it being pretty gooey and slimy if cooked improperly. In my efforts to buy fresh okra I decided to search the internet first. It turns out that you can buy it in the 2 metric ton shipments (yes really). While it would give me a great opportunity to play and learn about how to best to serve okra I don’t think my apartment will hold 2 metric tons. My next venture was to the local supermarket but they don’t sell it fresh. So to the frozen food section I went on a whim.

Random useless and useful information about okra (thanks to Wikipedia)

Okra is:
in the same family as cotton
a traditional food in Africa
used to thicken stews including the southern American favorite: Gumbo

On a side note
I’m pretty sure I could go to the grocery story every day for entertainment. I just went to a different grocery story today. I’m actually really excited about this one. I forgot how much I like SuperFresh. My ACME is no good. I have an issue when the vegetables and fruits are crawling with fruit flies and other bugs. SuperFresh is bigger and better lit and has a better selection of fresh produce. I'm probably only going to ACME for packaged stuff last minute. I'll actually have to plan my shopping trips now but it will definitely be worth it.

Ok to the cooking of the okra. We'll see how it goes!

Bored

Ok guys. I'm totally bored with my food. I need some help. I'm apparently not very imaginative lately. I'm trying to be healthy but I seem to not be able to branch out form carrots, bell peppers, and broccoli for veggies and chicken and sausage for meat. Any suggestions?? I'm heading to the farmer's market tonight to find new foods. If you suggest something I will try to eat it (unless it's truly nasty or I can't find it).

Sushi!!!

I know some people are really scared of sushi. I’m not one of those people. There are very few things I will not eat, and I will try it once before I decide I’m not going to eat it again. I’m pretty hard to gross out.

So anyway, back to sushi and why I’m a big fan. I found it’s the best quick meal when you’re starving and wondering through the grocery store. Think about it. You know it’s fresh, it has to be. You know there’s not much salt or preservatives in it; all that’s in it is raw fish, rice, and seaweed. How bad could that be? And my favorite part, it’s ready to eat. You could eat it in the car on the way home from the store. I wouldn’t recommend it, sometimes the rice falls apart, but you could if you really wanted to.

Beyond the whole “it’s healthy” thing it’s actually really tasty. It’s how I get to eat salmon. I can’t do cooked salmon. I know I said I eat almost everything. Fish is almost 100% out for me. I just don’t like how it tastes or how it feels in my mouth. So I find other ways to eat it. I can roll the raw fish any day of the week. Throw it on the grill and it’s over for me. I can’t take it. I know I’m super weird but I’m ok with that.

The nice thing about sushi is that if you’re weirded out by raw fish you can get sushi with cooked fish. Your options are limited to shellfish but you can get the happy combination of fish, rice, and seaweed without the rawness of normal sushi. I actually like to switch it up every once in a while and pick up Philadelphia rolls or rolled sushi with smoked tuna.

Stir Fry!

So I don’t have a wok but I’m still able to stir fry up a mean orange chicken. I was so excited by my moment of food genius last night that I need to share. I had planned to make chicken and broccoli for dinner and intended to prepare it in some boring way either bake or fry the chicken and steam the broccoli. I’d planned to add a little olive oil and maybe a few spices, nothing extravagant as it was already 9:30 I wanted food fast. Then I opened my spice/oil cabinet and it hit me (not literally thankfully) I have soy sauce, sesame oil and red pepper! Why not make spicy chicken. As I began to prepare the chicken I realized I also had an orange and orange juice in the fridge. So now I had spicy orange chicken coming together right before my eyes!

Recipe:

6 Oz chicken cut into bite sized pieces
1 C broccoli cut into bite size pieces
Sesame oil
Soy sauce
Red pepper flakes
Orange zest
Orange juice

Heat a large frying pan on the largest burner on medium heat. Coat the pan in sesame oil and let it heat through until the oil starts to shimmer. Add the chicken to the pan and cover. Check it every few minutes and turn the chicken as needed. When the chicken is almost cooked add the broccoli and cover again. Allow the broccoli to cook almost all the way (it should still be bright green and a bit crunchy) add the soy sauce red pepper flakes and orange juice to taste. Zest the orange over the whole pan and stir while still on the heat. Once all the broccoli and chicken is coated in the sauce take it off the heat and serve.

You could serve this as is if you’re watching your carbohydrate intake or put it over rice.

It’s simple but very satisfying!

5 Gadgets every kitchen "needs"

Ok so I know I’ve written about kitchen gadgets and/or things to clutter your kitchen before but I need to revisit. I found this blog a few days ago and I still can’t get it out of my head. So I’ll go through the list and give my thoughts on the matter. You’ll see the author of the article and I disagree a bit.

1. Apple corer: Why do you ever need apples that still have the skin and are still in the normal apple shape but don’t have the core? I have never needed to core an apple, and if I did I’d use a sharp knife because really who needs to spend $15 on a piece of crap that will sit in your “gadget” (AKA junk) drawer for years before you pull it out, wonder what it was before it got rusted, then throw it out.

2. Wine pourer: also known as your hands. If you can’t pour wine without a big ugly metal C we might need to have a chat. In fact I’ll teach a class on pouring wine. You won’t need to spend the $35 or more on the ugly piece of metal, you can pay me! You’ll get the double bonus of spending time with me and learning to pour wine without being a pretentious jerk.

3. Banana Holder: I understand banana hangers because they actually keep the bananas from bruising, however this device actually adds pressure points. That is so illogical it makes my brain hurt. Plus it takes up all kinds of counter space and when it’s empty it looks like you have a block of ceramic swiss cheese on your counter.

4. Cherry Pitter: how often do you eat cherries that you need a device devoted to taking the pits out? See item 1 for information about how often you will use it and what will happen after years of disuse.

5. Soda Bottle Holder: Bring this to your next party and you’re likely to get a smack upside the head. See item 2 about being a pretentious jerk. At least this is only made of plastic and not metal. Now that I think about it it’s actually the redneck version of the wine pourer. Or would that be a beer pourer? No, rednecks don’t pour beer, they drink it straight from the 40.

So really what you need in your kitchen is: A good knife, 2 hands, a banana hook, and common sense. Good luck with the last one 

Medium Raw

I can’t wait to read Anthony Bourdain’s new book Medium Raw. For some reason I really never got into his show on the travel channel. And I actually haven’t ready his previous book Kitchen Confidential. However I read a review of this book and I just can’t wait to go get it!

He’s quoted as saying “It was like being mauled by Gumby. Afterwards, you’re not sure it even happened.” In reference to being criticized by Alan Richman. I literally laughed out loud. Add that to the fact that he slams vegetarians and Sandra Lee in the same book makes me giggle with glee. I’ll have to get back to you when I’m done to let you know what I thought.

Bacon Followup

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/food/2010/05/16/2010-05-16_at_almost_83_a_pound_cured_meat_from_the_sheep_pig_commands_a_lot_of_bacon.html

Check out this link then tell me you don't want to try that bacon! And they're so fuzzy. They look adorable!

Fast track dinner

I’m not usually so busy that I can’t stop for a meal but there are a lot of times that I’m so hungry I just don’t care to cook. I’ve tried to find ways to cook faster but not lose the flavor and the health benefits of a fresh home cooked meal.

The best thing I’ve found so far for veggies is frozen. Frozen spinach and broccoli are the 2 greatest things for me when I’m too lazy to cook. They’re fast and easy, just throw them in a bowl in the microwave add butter, salt and pepper and you’re good to go!

My biggest challenge I think has been potatoes. I love potatoes but they usually take so long to cook that it’s not worth the effort. Solution: chop it! I throw my potato in the food processor and pulse for a few seconds (yay it’s dishwasher safe). Then heat up a pan on the stove and put down a little bit of vegetable oil, just enough to coat the bottom of the pan throw the chopped potato down and let one side brown, flip the whole mess over and brown the other side. You could also mix it while it’s cooking so you end up with more crunch and less cooked but not fried potato. I prefer it as a potato pancake esq side dish. To finish I add a little salt and pepper (sometimes some poultry seasoning too)

No dinner is complete without a meat so to finish off my quick dinner I take a chicken breast and cube it and throw it into a heated pan with some olive oil and seasoning (either a poultry mix or just salt and pepper), I put a cover on the frying pan and let it cook for a few minutes, then turn all the pieces of chicken over and let the other side cook for a bit.

Soup to nuts you should be able to have dinner for 1 or 2 on the table in about 25 minutes.

Champagne

Who has extra champagne in their fridge? I do... I know it's weird but that's what I get for having a New Years party, people bring alcohol and the champagne gets ignored. So I had 2 bottles of champagne and I didn't know what to do with it so I decided to cook with it because you can't open it and have only one glass.

I'll start with the bad. I tried to bake cookies; it was bad. I put champagne, flour, sugar, butter, shortening, 1 egg, and baking soda. I baked it at 350 for 13 minute. They looked so good. They smelled really good. They tasted nasty. I have never thrown out cookies before but these were awful. They tasted metallic. I'm not sure if it was the champagne or the baking soda. I think it may have been that my baking soda was old.

The good: Italian sausage, spinach, onion, and champagne. Put the sausage in a pot of champagne and let that simmer for about an hour. Then drop 1 chopped onion in the pot with the champagne and let that simmer. Pull the sausage and drop in the spinach and let that wilt down (you could also use frozen spinach, just defrost it and drain it before mixing it in the pot). My secret for spinach is nutmeg. Add a little bit for that extra something. There shouldn't be much champagne left in the bottom of the pot. Now cut the sausage up and mix it back into the pot and let the sausage heat back up again. I threw a little pepper and salt over the top. To complete the meal make a bowl of rice and drop the whole mix over the top. It's pretty fantastic!

Happy cooking!The Finest Wines of Champagne: A Guide to the Best Cuvées, Houses, and Growers (The World's Finest Wines)

Iron Chef Ocean City - Battle BACON!

I know it’s been a long time since my last post. I’m sorry! I’ve been crazy busy or not in the mood for real food (Shocking but true). This weekend was the most amazing culinary adventure I had to share.

Friday night was “date night”. Dinner and a movie. Dinner started with a Sam Adams Cheddar Cheese fondue that was just amazing. I’m going to have to figure out how they made it because I’m a huge fan. I’m pretty sure it’s cheddar cheese, Sam Adams, and cream. Although maybe it would be better if I didn’t know so I can’t make it at home when I’m having a cheese craving because I’d probably eat a whole block of cheese plus the Sam Adams. Dinner itself was a pretty good grilled chicken and bacon sandwich but nothing compared to the cheese fondue.

Saturday night was dinner and karaoke. Dinner was very good. Lemon chicken with capers and grilled veggies. I didn’t make it but I’m pretty sure I probably could make a pretty good approximation if I were up to the challenge.

Two nights of really good food would probably be enough for most people in one weekend but there was a whole lot more to come because after karaoke we all trooped the 1.5 hours down to the shore to spend a few more hours together.

Best way to start a Sunday morning: Blueberry Pancakes and Sausage with some of my best friends (new and old). The combination of the fresh fruit, syrup, and the savory sausage makes for a very complete and happy meal.

But wait… there’s more. Bacon… lots and lots of bacon. It’s not just for breakfast anymore!

During breakfast we discussed the virtues of bacon and decided to take on the challenge of putting bacon in every part of our dinner. And we did.

Post breakfast (and a walk on the boardwalk) 5 happily full twenty somethings descended upon the Ocean City ShopRite with no list or clue. All we had was an idea and a mantra, “we need bacon”. An hour and a half later we ended up with 3 lbs of bacon, 2 flank steaks, shrimp, mozzarella, spinach, tomatoes, chocolate, onions and some various other cooking necessities. We were still left without a plan, just lots of food.

Soon the sounds of chopping, bacon frying and laughter filled the house.

The end result: The only item that did not have bacon or bacon grease in direct contact while cooking was the steak. I did meet its bacon in the end though.

Salad:

Spinach, tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, bacon, slivered onions, and a strawberry/bacon vinaigrette. I learned that you can emulsify a vinaigrette with strawberry jam (necessity is the mother of invention, we had no mustard).

Dinner:

I have no idea what the steak was marinated it because I was not paying attention but it was amazing. I know it had cinnamon and balsamic vinegar.

On the steak we had browned onions with bacon

Grilled shrimp wrapped in bacon. The bacon was partly baked in the oven then wrapped around the shrimp and grilled.

Dessert:

We actually didn’t get to eat dessert because we took so much time to enjoy dinner that we didn’t need the bacon dipped in chocolate. But we did eat the strawberries that were supposed to go on shortcake.

Had we truly been on Iron Chef we would have had to come up with at least 1 more dish and I’m sure we would have made a bacon martini with a bacon rimmed glass or something but it was the 1^st time this crew worked together and frankly there was no head chef running things. We all just picked something and went with it. We really all had a hand in making every dish.

But this weekend wasn’t really about the food. It wasn’t really about what we actually ate (although it was delicious). It had everything to do with the company. I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard nor had a more enjoyable weekend in a long time. I am a very lucky person that I have friends that can come together at the drop of a hat to share an extraordinary adventure in food and fill the house with laughter, love, and the smell of cooking bacon. My dear friends thank you for reminding me what life is all about. To those who were not there hopefully we can do it again soon.