This is a 3 part post:
So lately I’ve read a whole slew of articles including This one written by chefs about what customers do to annoy them. Now don’t get me wrong, I know customers can be self centered obnoxious toads sometimes but let’s not forget the reason you have a job in the first place. These people you’re complaining about are putting food on your table. In light of that lets take a look at the things chefs do that annoy the average American restaurant goer. I’m not talking about foodies here. I’m talking about the average American. We know the difference between a t-bone and a flank steak but we don’t care so much about caviar and the cheek of rarest deep sea ugly fish.
The use of truffles and truffle oil: Truffles to me should be the little chocolates with a creamier chocolate filling and dusted with chocolate power, not a nasty looking fungus that’s hard to find and tastes like dirt. Honestly for the price I’d rather you line my plate with caviar, at least it won’t taste like the bottom of someone’s shoe. This is especially true when you’re making something really popular in America culture like steak and fries (AKA steak frites if you’re in a French restaurant). Don’t put truffle oil on fries. Fries should taste like potatoes, not the dirt they came from.
Pretention: You’re a chef. I come to you to make food that tastes good. That does not make you better than me, even if you’re famous. Just because you know how to prepare a mean risotto doesn’t mean you can look down your snooty nose at me when I ask you to make it without ricotta cheese (I’ve never seen it but you never know, someone somewhere may be making it). Again this is true with American classics. If you’re making a pizza at a fancy restaurant and you decide that on today’s menu you’re going to have your margarita pizza made with goat cheese from east India and someone asks for a margarita pizza made with mozzarella don’t be surprised. A margarita pizza is (and always should be, I’m looking at you Primavera Pizza Kitchen) made with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil with one black olive in the middle. If you make a pizza that is not that, call it something different or be prepared to have special orders all night.
“We’ve run out of…”: I understand that you’re lamb chops are super popular, so should you. Order enough food to get through the rush. I know that sometimes you’re surprised by what’s popular on a given night so I can be forgiving if one thing is out of stock but if you tell me that you have no lasagna, gnocchi, lamb chops or mashed potatoes you damn well better be getting your tail to the grocery store to get the ingredients to make more. This is especially true on Friday and Saturday night. If you don’t have your kitchen properly stocked for Friday and Saturday night I probably won’t come back to your restaurant again until I know they have a new chef because you’ve failed basic chef responsibilities.
Giant portions: I’m only so big. I know I’m paying good money to go out to eat however I’m not always going straight home and I don’t carry a cooler in my car for my leftovers. I hate leaving a restaurant feeling like a heifer because I ate too much. Now to be fair it’s partly my fault because I keep eating but I’m a bit like a dog if it’s there I’ll eat it.
Salt: Salt is not the only seasoning. I would love to taste the pan fried chicken but there appears to be a crust of salt on it. I know they say that salt increases the other flavors while you’re cooking but you don’t need to use a ½ pound of salt per dish. I’m sure the tilapia will taste just as good with ½ the salt you planned on putting on it.
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